Misc Humor

Misc Humor

Words of advice for todays teeneagers
Lil Johnny
The Check-up
Quick Quiz
Education
Inane Ponderings
If you think youve had a bad day
*Rules That Guys Wished Girls Knew*
Things you would never know without the movies...
Crazy Crooks
YOU'RE LOST BETWEEN A BABY BOOMER AND A GENERATION X'ER
Excuses

Words of Advice for Today's Teenagers

Charles Sykes is the author of DUMBING DOWN OUR KIDS. He volunteered for high school and college graduates a list of eleven things they did not learn in school. In his book, he talks about how the feel good, politically-correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality, and set them up for failure in the real world. You may want to share this list with them.

Rule 1. Life is not fair; get used to it.
Rule 2. The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to
             accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3. You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school
             and you won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.
Rule 4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't
             have tenure.
Rule 5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a
             different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity.
Rule 6. If you mess up, it's not your parents fault, so don't whine about your
             mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7. Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.
             They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes, and
             listening to you talk about how cool you are. So, before you save the rain
             forest from the parasites of your parents generation, try delousing the
             closet in your own room.
Rule 8. Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has
             not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you
             as many times as you want to get the right answer. This, of course doesn't
             bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9. Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off, and very
             few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your
             your own time.
Rule 10. Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the
               coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11. Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Lil' Johnny
Lil' Johnny's mother took her 6 year old son with her to the bank. They were in line behind a rather obese lady. As the mother patiently waited, Lil' Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, "Hey, Mom, she's really fat."

The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile. Lil' Johnny received a reprimand.

After a minute or two, Lil' Johnny spread his hands as far as they will go and loudly said, "I bet her butt is 'that' wide."

At this the lady glared at Johnny. His embarrassed mother severely scolds her son.

Again after a couple of minutes Lil' Johnny stated loudly, "Look how the fat hangs over her belt."

The lady turned and told Johnny's mother to control her child and his mother threatened him with severe bodily harm.

Just then, the lady's pager begins to go off.

Lil' Johnny 'yelled' in a panic at the top of his voice, "Run for your life...she's backing up!!!"

The Check-up
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window.

Right away he tells her to undress. After she disrobes, he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That is correct," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he says.

"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You're catching herpes."

Quick Quiz
DO NOT SCROLL DOWN! BEGIN WITH ONE AND PROCEED ON DOWN.

This only takes 30 seconds, work it out (pencil and paper may be used) as you read.

1. Pick the number of days per week that you would like to dine out.
2. Multiply this number by 2.
3. Add 5.
4. Multiply the result by 50.
5. If you already had your birthday this year add 1749; If you haven't had your
    birthday yet this year, add 1748.
6. Subtract the four digit year you were born. You should now have a three digit
    number.
7. The first digit of your three digit number should be your original number, that,
    is, how many days you wanted to dine out each week.
8. The second two digits are your age!

This is the only year (1999) that it will ever work, so spread the fun around while it lasts!

Excuses:
These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston:

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Education:

A new two-year degree is being offered at Life University that many of you should be interested in:

BECOMING A REAL MAN

That's right, in just six trimesters, you too, can be a real man. Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR:

Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS - Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Gettin in at 4am
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like an Asshole When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 You, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers

SECOND YEAR

Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
MEN 201 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 202 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down

Elective (See Electives below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be A Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise, Especially when naked
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important I

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting is NOT Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important II

Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking With Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear To Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"

Inane Ponderings

1. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
2. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. How do I set my laser printer on stun?
5. How is it possible to have a civil war?
6. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
7. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
8. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
9. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too
10. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
11. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
12. If you're born again, do you have two belly-buttons?
13. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
15. Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
16. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
17. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
18. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
19. What happens when none of your bees wax?
20. Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?
21. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why
isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
22. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
23. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone
just move 10 miles away?

If you think you've had a bad day, read this...

This was an article in the CALIFORNIA EXAMINER, March 20, 1998):

Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with a dive tank, flippers, and facemask. A post-mortem examination revealed that the person died not from burns but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.

Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It has revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast-some 20 miles away from the forest. The firefighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large buckets. The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the forest fire and emptied.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing a breaststroke in a fire bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently, he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire.

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

STILL THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY? THINK AGAIN.

The following is taken from a Florida newspaper: A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding to the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprights the motorcycle and pushed it outside.

Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home.

After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm.

Now THAT is a bad day..

*Rules That Guys Wished Girls Knew*

1) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2) Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
3) Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find
    the perfect present!
5) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't
   want to hear.
6) Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7) Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
    such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.
8) Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9) Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11) Shopping is not sport.
12) Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13) You have enough clothes.
14) You have too many shoes.
15) .Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16) Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad's way
       past idiot.
17) Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18) No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a
      calendar.
19) Pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range.
      We're bound to miss sometimes.
20) Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be
      any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
      dress?
21) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23) Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
24) Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25) Check your oil.
26) Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27) Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
29) Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
      comments become null and void after 7 days.
30) If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like
      soap opera guys.
31) If something we said can be interpreted makes you sad and angry, we meant
      the other one.
32) Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty
      you are?
33) Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34) You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - but
       not both.
35) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
36) Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
37) Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain
      about having their boobs stared at.
38) Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
39) Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you
       look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading
       the magazines.
40) The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were
      going out.

Things you would never know without the movies...

...All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

...If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

...All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

...All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

...It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

...Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

...The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

...If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

...You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

...Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

...If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

...The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

...A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

...When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

...Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

...If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

...Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.

...Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

...The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

...A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.

...Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

...Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

...It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

...Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

...All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

...It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

...A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

...It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

...When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

...No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

...Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

...When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

...You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

...Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds- unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

...Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

Crazy Crooks

Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled out a gun and asked for all the cash in the register which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.

Question: If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he would just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So, he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk immediately called 911 and the man was able to give the police a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the cruiser and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer...that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

Washington: When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more that he had bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near some spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

New Jersey: A Newark woman reporting her car as stolen mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The police officer taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

Michigan: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

California: A man walked into a small corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the clerk put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the clerk to put it in the bag as well, but the clerk refused and said "I don't believe you're 21 years old." The robber said he was over 21, but the clerk said he didn't believe him and still refused to give him the scotch. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robbed that he had gotten off the license. The police arrested the robber two hours later.

California: It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown San Francisco Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote on a deposit slip standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and walked across the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. The teller read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, she told him that she could not accept his stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip. She said that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left the Wells Fargo branch. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of America

YOU'RE LOST BETWEEN A BABY BOOMER AND A GENERATION X'ER

IF.................."

1. You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat handle comb in the back pocket
    was cool.
2. In your class picture you were wearing an Izod shirt with the collar up.
3. You know by heart the words to any Weird Al Yankovic song.
4. You ever rang someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!"
5. Three words: ATARI, IntelliVision and Coleco, sound familiar.
6. You remember the premier of MTV, in fact, you remember the Friday Night
    Videos before the days of MTV.
7. A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid.
8. While in high school, you and your friends discussed elaborate plans to get
    together again at the end of the century and play Prince's "1999" until you
    passed out partying.
9. You remember when music that was labeled alternative, really was alternative.
    And when alternative comedy really was funny.
10. You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the minivan.
11. You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.
12. You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phases:
      When I was younger... When I was your age...You know, back when...
13. Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the
      English language.
14. You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran,
     Madonna or Cyndi Lauper video.
15. The first time you ever kissed someone at a dance came during either "Crazy
      for You" or "Leather and Lace"
16. You remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets
      and made our old Big Wheel quite obsolete.
17. The phrase "Where's the beef," still doubles you over with laughter.
18. You honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever
     possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.
19. You had a crush on either Ted the photographer on The Love Boat, Gage from
      Emergency or Ponch the motorcycle cop from CHiPs.
20. Your hair at some point in time in the 80's became something which can only
      be described by the phrase, "I was experimenting."
21. You've shopped at a Benetton.
22. You're starting to believe now that maybe having the kids go to school year
      round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.
23. You're doing absolutely nothing pertaining to your major.
24. U2 is too popular and mainstream for you now.
25. You remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch from the first
      scene.
26. You had a front row seat for Luke and Laura's wedding on General Hospital.
27. You're parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you decided it was
      pointless since Quincy got all the babes anyway.
28. You know who shot JR.
29. Loves Baby Soft was in every girls' Christmas stocking.
30. This rings a bell: "...and my name is Charlie. They work for me."
31. You were unsure if Diet Coke would ever catch on after all.
32. You know all the words to the double album set of Grease.
33. You ever had a Dorothy Hammill haircut.
34. You sat with your friends on a Friday night and dialed 867-5309 to see if Jenny
       would answer.
35. "All skate, change directions", means something to you.
36. You owned a pair of Rainbow suspenders just like Mork used to wear.
37. You bought a pair of Vanns and wanted to order a pizza in history class so
      you could be just like Jeff Spicoli.
38. You owned a preppy handbook.
39. You were too young to go see the Blue Lagoon so you just had to settle for
      second hand reports.
40. You remember when movies were only PG and R.
41. You learned to swim about the same time Jaws came out and still carry the
      emotional scars to this day.
42. You remember when your cable TV box had a sliding selector switch.
43. Your jaw would ache by the time you finished those brick-sized packages of
      Bazooka gum.
44. You remember Bo and Luke Duke.
45. VCRs cost $2,000.
46. There was nothing strange about Bert and Ernie living together.
47. You remember rotary dial telephones.
48. You actually believed that Mikey, famed for his Life cereal commercials, died
      after eating a packet of pop rocks and drinking a Coke.
49. The theme song to Greatest American Hero still comes back to you on
      occasion (BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I'M WALKING ON AIR...)
50. "Members Only" Jackets, say no more.